How PUNCH helped 68-year-old Briton unravel 29-year search for dad
• Architect half-brother died 2021, buried in Lagos
• I hope half-sister, others accept Paul – Wife, Jane
“A search for a needle in a haystack” is what, perhaps, best describes the experience of a 68-year-old mixed-race Briton, Mr Paul Bolton, looking for his Nigerian father, who he has never met. Bolton, a chartered structural consultant, living in Surrey, South-East England, began the search for his father, believed to be a Nigerian of Yoruba extraction, in 1993 but for 29 years he made but very little progress.
The much information he had about his father did not avail him and his mother, whom he could have turned to for help, was unwilling to meet him, let alone offer any help.
Till date, he has set eyes on neither of his parents.
Bolton was born in 1954 by a British young lady to a Nigerian young man, who travelled to England for studies. His father and mother were believed to both be students at Hull School of Architecture, England, where they started a relationship, of which Bolton would become the product.
In email interviews and follow-ups with our correspondent between late January and early March this year, Bolton, who started his life in an orphanage before he was later adopted by a white family who raised him, said his father’s name was given to him as “Femi Odiendie or Femi Odeiwde,” while his mother was identified, by her maiden name, as Denise Rosamund Mary Williams.
Femi, obviously, is a Yoruba name, mostly for a male and less commonly for a female, but neither Odiendie nor Odeiwde appears to be meaningful. Worse still, Bolton didn’t have any photograph of “Femi Odiendie/Odeiwde”.
Separation from parents
Bolton believes his mother was about 19 years old when she was put in the family way by his father.
The development did not go down well with his mother’s family.
“My mother’s mother (grandmother) sent my mother to a ‘Mother and Baby’ home in Leeds run by the Catholic Church in order to keep the fact that she was pregnant a secret, with a view to returning to her studies after my birth,” Bolton told our correspondent.
“She (my mother) would have been 19 years old when she became pregnant and 20 years old when I was born.
“Pregnancy outside of marriage in 1953 was considered to be very shameful, particularly within Catholic families, which they were.
“No doubt, the fact that my mother was white compounded the problem. My father met my grandmother, presumably, before my birth.
“Within three weeks of my birth, my mother had to hand me over to an orphanage. My father was unlikely to have been given my whereabouts.”
Upon completing his studies in England, Bolton’s father returned to Nigeria.
With “Femi Odiendie/Odeiwde” and Denise Rosamund Mary Williams out of touch and the baby between them entrusted to an orphanage, the young man’s departure from England to Nigeria appeared to have effectively buried or erased whatever history existed between him and the young white woman.
“It was thought that my father had suggested that he would like to care for me and take me back to Nigeria; clearly this did not come to pass,” Bolton said nostalgically.
The coming of age, the search
Bolton had a wonderful childhood under the care of his adopted parents, but he knew he was different from other kids in the neighbourhood, on account of his skin colour.
He said, “My formal adoption took place when I was six years old. I was adopted by a white family, who at the time could not have children of their own.
“I was fostered to them 18 months earlier. My adopted parents subsequently had three of their own children – they always said it was God’s reward (for adopting me). I get on very well with my adopted siblings, albeit we are very different, nature versus nurture – from my experience, nature is an overriding parameter.
“The town that I grew up in was predominantly white, so as a black kid, I was certainly a bit of a novelty. It was a happy childhood, I enjoyed being different from other kids and I think that it moulded my character.”
But by 1993 when he turned 39, a desire to identify and meet his biological parents had welled up in him. This desire became intense on the birth of his first child in 1993.
“I realised that this (my firstborn) is the first person that I had a blood connection with, thus the urge to know who my parents were became more important to me. I realised that my children would, at some point, want to know their background, so I started my search,” Bolton said.
Two years into his search, he finally got his mother’s contact, but whatever excitement he must have felt on getting the breakthrough got deflated when the mother declined to meet him.
He said, “The last communication I had with her, albeit via a councillor from the Catholic Children’s society, was back in 1995, when I wrote to her. She elected not to meet me, which was very disappointing. She said that stage of her life needed to be kept buried. There has been no contact since. I do not know if she is still alive. If she is, she will be 88 years old.”
A search for Nigerian roots
With rejection from his mother, Bolton turned his attention to the search for his father but it was a journey with no certain direction.
“It is my understanding that he is an architect, assumed to be in Nigeria, but I cannot be certain of either point. I have never met my father,” Bolton told our correspondent.
He admitted also that “my knowledge of Nigeria is shamefully shallow.”
In his relentless efforts to find his Nigerian roots, he discovered “a gentleman on Facebook named ‘Oluyemi Odiende’.”
The man’s profile says he studied architecture at the Hull School of Architecture, England, the same as “Femi Odiendie/Odeiwde” that Bolton was searching for.
He was wondering if this ‘Oluyemi Odiende’ was the same as “Femi Odiendie/Odeiwde”.
Bolton said, “Curiously, I tried to write to Babajide Oluyemi Odeinde in 2003, but I am not sure that he ever received it.”
Then Bolton realised that the man (Oluyemi Odeinde) “may have died last year (2021).”
Voicing his helplessness, he added, “I have searched for my father by writing to various universities/colleges where he might have studied whilst in the UK, without success. I also wrote to the Nigerian High Commission in London and the Nigerian Institute of Architects (sic) in Lagos in January 1995, but neither organisation responded.”
But Bolton would not give up the search.
His strong desire to connect with his father or at least his family in Nigeria, if he was dead, led him to our correspondent through Enyi Njoku, a friend of his wife, Jane Bolton.
The Punch Newspapers’ intervention
Our intervention began with an interview with Bolton, published in the Sunday PUNCH of March 6, 2022. Pleasantly, it turned out to be the miracle that would bring, in only three days, the answers that Bolton had sought for 29 years without luck or success. The interview triggered a torrent of reactions that culminated to unveil Bolton’s father’s identity and his footprints.
Unveiling Bolton’s father
Within 24 hours, at least five persons contacted our correspondent either by phone or social media to say they might have an idea of who Bolton’s father was or be able to help him.
While this feedback was heart-warming, our correspondent, however, knew he had the responsibility to be sure of these persons’ claims in order not to unleash mere opportunists or exploiters on Bolton and compound his trouble rather than bring a solution.
Of the five persons who made offers of help, four proved quite useful.
The fifth was, indeed, a report of a false claim by a third party purporting to have identified Bolton’s father and had already “linked up the family with the journalist that conducted the interview with Mr Bolton.”
Of the four useful offers of help, the first came from an architect based in Ibadan.
The architect, who elected to remain anonymous, sent a message to our correspondent hours after the interview was published to say that he was moved by Bolton’s story and he felt compelled to assist, particularly as Bolton believes that his father is/was an architect.
He added that the Nigeria Institute of Architects had also seen the interview and was looking into its records to see if it would find “Femi Odiendie/Odeiwde” or any name close to it. This architect felt positive that Bolton’s father’s identity would be unravelled if he was indeed an architect, as the Briton was told.
The following day, the Public Relations Officer of the NIA, Mr Chris Uloko, also got in touch with our correspondent to confirm that the institute was checking its register.
Our correspondent thanked the NIA for joining in the search, assuring them that Bolton would be grateful.
While awaiting the outcome of the NIA’s check, the third offer of help came from Lanre Amao, who sent our correspondent a friend’s request on LinkedIn and subsequently a message, partly reading: “I believe I know who his (Bolton’s) father is, so if he is still looking I’d be happy to help.”
Treading with caution, our correspondent replied that the search for Bolton’s father was still on and that “I am sure he will be happy if you can help.”
Amao dropped his email address and mobile phone number, which showed that he was outside Nigeria. He urged that the email address and the phone number be passed onto Bolton to get in touch with him.
Our correspondent relayed his message to Bolton.
Later on the same day, our correspondent received a message also on LinkedIn from a woman, who wrote: “… read an interview you did with a Paul Bolton. Turns out he’s actually an Uncle of mine from the Odeinde family. He’s my Mum’s long lost cousin!”
The woman’s profile indicates she is an accomplished, award-winning journalist, who had had a stint with the BBC and other notable international media organisations.
Replying her, our correspondent, still cautious, wrote: “If he’s your uncle, I suppose his father is your mom’s father too or he’s your mom’s half-brother.”
But the woman said, “No, his father was my Mum’s uncle.”
She went further to say, “My uncle, Yemi Odeinde (his (Bolton’s) brother), passed away last year. He was an architect as mentioned. My aunty, Oyinkan, is Paul’s sister.”
The woman asked if our correspondent would be “able to connect my family with him (Bolton)” but our wary correspondent needed to be sure of the authenticity of this woman’s claim. That the woman described Bolton as “an Uncle of mine from the Odeinde family,” and then said, “His (Bolton’s) father was my Mum’s uncle,” looked somewhat hazy. Our correspondent promised to do his findings and get back to the woman.
However, the first hint that the surname of the father that Bolton was looking for is ‘Odeinde’ – which is meaningful – as opposed to Odiendie/Odeiwde, which he was told, came from this woman.
In an attempt to independently verify the woman’s claim, our correspondent sought information on Yemi Odeinde, mentioned by the woman and who seemed to be ‘Oluyemi Odiende’ that Bolton said he found on Facebook.
A search on Facebook turned up Oluyemi Odeinde, an architect.
Bolton had suggested that “Oluyemi Odiende may have died last year,” and this woman said, “My uncle, Yemi Odeinde (his (Bolton’s) brother), passed away last year,” but there was nothing on Oluyemi Odeinde’s Facebook page to suggest that he was dead.
Noticeably, with only five photos posted and no messages at all, coupled with the fact that he didn’t respond to birthday wishes, he might not have been an active Facebook user – which would be why he might have missed the message sent to him by Bolton in 1995.
Our correspondent scanned through Oluyemi’s friends’ list hoping to see the woman’s name, but it didn’t seem to be there. Our correspondent also did not see any other Odeinde on the list.
In the midst of all these, the most assured or risk-free lead seemed to be the Nigeria Institute of Architects.
So, on Tuesday morning our correspondent went back to the NIA to ask if they had found in their record “Femi Odiendie/Odeiwde” or any name close to it.
The NIA PRO, Uloko, said a look through the NIA Official Gazette of the Architects Registration Council of Nigeria, containing the Register of Architects licensed to practise in Nigeria, turned up a name, ODEINDE, Olufemi Abayomi, Registered No. F/27 or being the 27th registered architect in Nigeria.
On request, Uloko obliged our correspondent with a scanned copy of the portion of the register where ODEINDE, Olufemi Abayomi appeared.
In the register, Odeinde’s address was given as Ministry of Works and Transport, Ibadan.
There was an indication that this was the father that Bolton had been searching for – ‘Odeinde’ was common to the accounts of both the woman from Linkedln and the NIA.
The father’s first name, Femi, which Bolton was given, is the shortened form of Olufemi, found in the register. And the surname, Odeinde, must have been misspelt as Odiendie or Odeiwde, from the source where Bolton got his information.
Olufemi Odeinde is dead
Uloko told our correspondent that the man, Olufemi Odeinde, from the institute’s information, died long ago, precisely 1981.
“The information on the man is very scanty because he died 41 years ago,” the NIA PRO disclosed to our correspondent.
He said the institute could not lay its hands on Odeinde’s photograph.
That Odeinde died in 1981 was corroborated, without prompting, by Amao, who earlier contacted our correspondent from outside Nigeria.
In a chat with our correspondent late Tuesday afternoon, Amao, who gave his age as 57, wrote: “His (Bolton’s) father died in 1981 around the age of 50. He was my father’s friend.”
He added, “His father’s house is two streets away from ours in Bodija Estate. He was a very successful architect but died tragically after he sustained injuries in a car accident.”
“He (Bolton) is very close to knowing where he comes from,” Amao added, after telling our correspondent he knew Odeinde’s children.
But before speaking with Amao late Tuesday afternoon, following the conversation with Uloko in the morning, our correspondent had gone in search of Odeinde’s descendants.
If Olufemi Odeinde was dead, the next step was to look for his children, who would be Bolton’s half-siblings.
But Uloko said he could not tell which town or state in Nigeria Odeinde hailed from.
“He may be from Ekiti (State),” he stated.
The Ibadan-based architect, who made the first offer of help, told our correspondent he remembered that during his days as an architecture student many years ago, while searching for an architect’s office to do his internship, he used to see the signpost of the office of one Architect Odeinde in the Dugbe area of Ibadan.
He said he was willing to lead our correspondent in search of the place, perhaps there might be someone who could point the direction to where Odeinde’s family might be.
He eventually led our correspondent to the popular Basorun MKO Abiola House, a storey building, in the Queen’s Cinema area of Ibadan, stating that Olufemi Odeinde had his office in the building back in the day.
The architect said, “I used to come here when I was a student. We, architecture students, used to search around for an office to do our industrial attachment and his office was in this building.”
The building, which was used in the recent past as the Ibadan office of the late MKO Abiola’s defunct Concord newspapers, had new tenants who did not know the late Architect Odeinde.
Building housing Odeinde’s office
However, an old security man, Sikiru, popularly known in the area as Chairman, who should be well in his 70s, said he remembered Odeinde, adding that the late architect was popular back then.
Sikiru pointed out to our correspondent the particular spot where the signpost to Odeinde’s office was affixed to the wall on the storey building.
“He (Odeinde) left here many years ago. I met him when I came here but he left not quite long after that. I think he should be from Osun State but I am not sure.
“I did not know where he lived because everybody just met at the office and I had no cause to visit him at home,” the old man said.
A shop owner close to the building also told our correspondent that he knew Odeinde but he did not know his relatives.
The shop owner said the caretaker of the building, Laja Soaga, who would have been able to give more information about Odeinde, also died about eight years ago.
The architect, who led our correspondent to the building, said he was glad there were still people around who could corroborate his account.
He said, “I am happy that we found some persons who corroborated my claims. We are being careful because some persons may want to defraud the man searching for his dad, having known he is based in the UK. But with what we have seen and heard now, it won’t be long before the man will connect with his family here in Nigeria.”
Search for Odeinde’s family continues
Our correspondent remembered that the woman from LinkedIn on Monday had indicated that Oluyemi Odeinde found on Facebook was the late Olufemi Odeinde’s son and was indeed Bolton’s half-brother.
Since this Oluyemi Odeinde was also an architect, our correspondent decided to ask the NIA for information on him.
During the Tuesday morning conversation with our correspondent, the NIA PRO immediately told our correspondent that Oluyemi Odeinde was an architect and it had been established that he was a son of the late Olufemi Odeinde, confirming the claim by the woman from LinkedIn.
“He (Olufemi Odeinde) had a son that was an architect. His son revived his firm and tried to run it but that one too died last year. His name is Oluyemi,” Uloko said, piecing together the pieces of the puzzle.
With Oluyemi Odeinde dead, the next thing was to search for Olufemi Odeinde’s other children.
Another approach was to search for Oluyemi Odeinde’s children, to whom Bolton would be an uncle.
Another architect, who said he once interned with Oluyemi Odeinde, gave his home address, which was also his office at some point, as somewhere on Talabi Street, Ikeja, Lagos.
In the hope that Oluyemi’s children might be found, our correspondent went in search of the house.
It was not difficult to locate the bungalow painted ochre-yellow with red gates. The gate was locked and repeated ringing of the old doorbells, which might not be working, did not yield any response. A mallam found in the front of the house encouraged our correspondent to knock on the gate, since there was no phone number to call. The mallam said a lady that our correspondent could have talked to went out shortly before our correspondent’s arrival.
After waiting for over one hour, our correspondent eventually left. Further investigation would later show that Oluyemi Odeinde’s family was not in the house, said to have been let out to some tenants.
Uloko told our correspondent, “It appears they moved back to Ekiti or Ibadan. I hear they have a family house in one of those towns but nobody knows where exactly.”
He suggested that our correspondent go in search of an old architect, Theo Lawson, with whom Oluyemi Odeinde formed a partnership at some point.
“You know where Freedom Park is? At Tafawa Balewa Square (Lagos Island). The architect in charge of Freedom Park, Architect Theo Lawson, the MD of Freedom Park, was also Odeinde’s partner, I mean Oluyemi Odeinde that died last year.
“He was his business partner; they had a partnership called Lawson-Odeinde Partnership. He (Lawson) used to be my boss, I worked with him some years back in the 90s but right now, I don’t have his number. If you can get him, he will be able to give you so much more first-hand information about the son.”
But as providence would have it, our correspondent laid hands on the programme booklet of Oluyemi Odeinde’s funeral.
The booklet, featuring Oluyemi’s biography and a tributes section, proved to be a gold mine of information on Odeinde family. It contains many answers that Bolton had been seeking for 29 years about his Nigerian roots.
The booklet revealed that Oluyemi Odeinde was born on March 25, 1960, and died March 18, 2021, just seven days to his 61st birthday.
It showed that Oluyemi was younger than his unknown half-brother, Bolton, by six years.
Oluyemi’s funeral took place on Victoria Island, Lagos with the church service presided over by popular Pastor Ituah Ighodalo. His remains were interred at Ebony Vaults, Ikoyi.
Oluyemi’s biography revealed his mother’s name as Tinuade Olabisi Odeinde (nee Amao), described as the first indigenous Librarian of Nigeria’s premier university, University of Ibadan.
The biography revealed that Oluyemi has a younger sister named Oyinkan Odeinde Hallgreen.
The name Oyinkan immediately rang a bell with our correspondent. It was first mentioned by the woman from Linkedln, who said: “My uncle, Yemi Odeinde (his (Bolton’s) brother) passed away last year. He was an architect as mentioned. My aunty Oyinkan is Paul’s sister.”
Oyinkan herself, in a tribute penned in her late brother’s honour, revealed that she was younger than Oluyemi by “five years and five days.”
The way the dots began to quickly connect was nothing but cheering.
As promised, our correspondent reverted to the woman on Linkedln to say her narration was found to be true. The funeral programme booklet was shared with her.
In response, she said, “Thank you. Yes, this is correct. Interestingly, I read Uncle Yemi’s biography at his funeral last year. I will reach out to my mum and the rest of the Odeinde family tomorrow re the best way to proceed (sic).”
That Olufemi Odeinde died in 1981 was further established by a line in Oluyemi’s biography, stating: “In 1981, right in the middle of his (Oluyemi’s) programme, his father passed away due to injuries sustained in a motor accident.”
The family tree
Oluyemi married Susan Dada. “Their union birthed their beloved, beautiful daughter, Omotara, who is currently a Senior Policy Advisor in England.
“After many years, Yemi took another dip into fatherhood, and with Kemi Adefolu, became the parents of a wonderful set of twins, Ibidunni and Idunnu.
“Yemi was incredibly happy when he was in the company of his children and his niece, Oyinkan’s daughter, Timayo,” the biography revealed.
Olufemi Odeinde – an amiable father with ‘high-class’ home
In her tribute to Oluyemi, Oyinkan offered a peek into the man Olufemi Odeinde – the father that Bolton never saw – and their home.
Recounting an experience when they went to a party in Ibadan and returned home late, Oyinkan said, “Dad wouldn’t let us back into the house before giving us a lecture (in the middle of the night) – him inside the house, you (Oluyemi) and I standing outside waiting to be let in, being asked if all our watches had the same time, ending with a threat to cut our holidays short and send us back to school.
“As punishment, Dad wanted you to wash all the clothes in the house (by hand) the following day, and I was to iron them, or was it the other way round? Thankfully, he did not carry out the threat (it would have been uncharacteristic of him anyway).”
Oyinkan also spoke of them taking piano lessons under the tutelage of “Mrs Franklin and Mrs Santos.”
She revealed their mother’s death in the tribute’s opening line: “You (Yemi), Mummy and Daddy have gone and left me…? How am I supposed to carry on without you?”
Incidentally, Oyinkan is not all alone; there is Bolton, an elder half-brother she had never known.
Bolton hopes for acceptance
Our correspondent sent an email to Bolton to inform him of the discoveries that had been made.
It was his wife, Jane Bolton, who replied on his behalf.
She wrote:
Dear Oladimeji,
This is Paul’s wife, Jane, and I am a friend of Enyi Njoku, through who we have now made these amazing discoveries about Paul’s family: how sad that he will never meet his brother, Yemi.
I just wanted to thank you for taking up this story and helping to fill all the gaps that have eluded us for so many years.
I know our children have a great interest in learning all about their African heritage and I hope we can establish an ongoing relationship with their family in Nigeria and elsewhere.
It will be interesting to learn if any of the family or old friends were even aware of Paul’s existence …I hope they will view him as a welcome addition to the family.
With kindest regards and best wishes,
Jane Bolton
Bolton with Daughter
Dad with half – Brother
Half-Brother’s burial
